Walking In A Rooney Wonderland

So it seems in the week one has been working in the north of England a lot has gone down in the world of Football and as ever, Wayne Rooney has been leading the way in performing very well (off pitch off course)


While the legend that is Nobby Stiles sold his World Cup winners’ medal for a record-breaking £188,200 to his former club Manchester United so he could leave his children a nice score of inheritance, Rooney and his cling on Mrs were seen pictured sunning it up in celebration of his new £8million a year pay deal in Dubai popping pink champagne (seeing as there's not much Wayne hasn't popped yet off course)



WAYNE'S WORLD, PARTY TIME, EXCELLENT

I could rant on for miles about what a joke this man proves himself to be time after time. Since the World Cup he hasn't performed and in my opinion he rates himself too highly. In my eyes he behaved like a spoilt brat with Sir Alex Ferguson and no doubt didn't get his way so made a scene like he always does throwing his dummy out of the pram and has now been rewarded with a pay rise.

Terry Venables was heard saying that Fergie was along the lines of a genius of the football managing world when all he done was offer a greedy ball juggler the pay increase he was after. For a man who seems to have put more action in to banging balls in goals off the pitch I find it an absolute joke.



I WOULDN'T LOOK SO SMUG COLEEN, AS MUCH AS YOU SPREAD YOUR LEGS LUV ITS NOT YOURS HE WANTS TO BE BETWEEN

Lets just hope after his break fine dining his wife and staying away from the prostitutes of Manchester this pay boost will make him provide the goods on the pitch. Players like him are why I no longer support Manchester United. What happened to the Glory Days of the 90's with players who earnt their wage like Cantona and Schmeichel, Rooney really is a prick, what world is this man on?

"We Dont Go To Wembley For Shopping..." Well You Should With Pants Like Those!

"The English are probably looking differently at us after the three victories in qualifying. We won't go to Wembley for shopping, but to play and try to get at least a draw" said Mirko Vucinic ahead of tonight's Euro Qualifier game against our boys.

How ever, after viewing a photo snap of Mr Mirkos goal celebration against Switzerland recently I must say, maybe he should perhaps eat his own words and make the most of visiting one of the fashion capitals of the World and go shopping for some new pants! What are those hes wearing?

As much as hes not bad in the looks department and it's nice for the ladies watching to see such a spectacle a nice pair of Armani boxers would have made for good viewing, not white Y-fronts!

Players are well aware of the rule that sees cautions issued to those who celebrate scoring by whipping of their shirts (sadly enough for us girls) so the attention seeker instead opted to whip of his bottom attire, resulting in him being rewarded a yellow card. This no doubt left him red in the cheeks.

The chap has promised to whip off his shorts for a part 2 and put them on his head if he scores at Wembley tonight. Here's hoping he keeps them on tonight for the sake of us coming out on top and those horrible pants!

Its just a shame he doesn't have the same effect as these fellow footy players that done the deed before him aye...

PUT A SOCK IN IT

ITALIANOS

NICE BOD, SHAME RONALDO'S A HORRIBLE, GREASY, ARROGANT PRICK!

ONE FOR THE LADS, 'SUPERMAN' IRELAND

GOOD OLD JOHNNY, NO BEATING AROUND THE BUSH HERE

SANTA CRUZ, A FAVORITE ON FIFA

LONG HAIR RUINS IT DEAR

THE BEST OF THE LOT LAMPARD, YUM

WHERE HAVE I SEEN THOSE BEFORE?

United Of The Mines

The 32 Chilean miners who we have heard ever so much about over the last few months are soon to be pulled free in the ride of their lives and what more could they want with in their first few hours of freedom? Well, it seems ipods, £6,200 from a Chilean mining entrepreneur, a years free plonk from a wine makers and £280 designer shades are already being lined up to put the smile back on their faces.

Yes, this is a great sign of generosity but off course an excellent free advertising campaign as the likes of Apple are fully aware, the worlds eyes will be hooked on them more so now then ever as the first miner makes it in to the light at the end of the tunnel if all goes to plan.

Despite the money they will be given and the free booze to help them celebrate it seems dear old Sir Bobby Charlton, one of my all time favourite United legends has upped the stakes by inviting the, "Massive football fans" to where else but, 'The Theatre of Dreams, Old Trafford'. A place off course Chilean miners could have only dreamt about going to before the disaster took place with the wage their on.

A Manchester United spokesman confirmed, "The club will do whatever we can to welcome them and arrange to meet the players." I do believe Bobs has done this in good will as his Father too was a miner but as far as press coverage goes for United it's going to be off course known world wide what a "considerate" club they are. It could also off course work in getting the negative press surrounding the team away from the on going scandal that off course is Wayne Rooney's ball action on and off the pitch.

I can just see it now, a rainy day in Manchester, the Chilean miners kitted out in United garms from head to toe and some of the clubs legends and top boys alongside the statue of Sir Matt Busby, smiles galore.

I'm sure the miners will be spoilt rotten while there over here, good luck to them!

Blonde Bimbo At Hart

Oh Joe Hart, you're the only blonde I have ever rated and after reading this mornings paper that bond is as strong as ever. You see, like me it seems England's number one also loves a spot of boozing, balls and banter after his recent 5am karaoke led stag of a bender in Lineker's Bar with dear old Gareth Barry (another one of my England favorites) and a couple of tarts, also in toe.

Now you see as much as I think there's no harm in letting your hair down once in a while it seems Hart is going to be in trouble for bad timing. The bad timing here off course being the fact the booze fuelled frenzy happened 36 hours before he met up with the squad for Tuesday's Wembley game against Montenegro.

I don't see any harm in a good old knees up but the timing wasn't to great and yet again a valiant effort may have been in place on the 'lets cheat on our girl friends' campaign our footballers seem to support 100% over the last few years if he did end up with the pretty blonde who was seen draped around him. I don't think his long term girlfriend will be happy when she gets hold of him.

JAGER IN THE BOTTLE BY ANY CHANCE JOE?

At one point it was said Hart was seen downing what looked like a Jagerbomb shot while his mates egged him on chanting, "Jager Jagerbomb, Jager Jagerbomb". I think Joe needs to meet my mate Barry Boardman and experience the most lethal shot Leeds has ever seen. The legendary, 'Barry Bomb', known to knock any Mank of his seat and in to in Baz's case, a plastic fence in a beer garden on a busy summers day could do damage to the best of us.

GOOD OLD GAZZA

"There's one common problem - it's called drink," Spurs manager Harry Redknapp recently said of our England stars. It would seem he couldn't have been more right as its a problem that effects even the best of us, and off course poor old Gazza.

"A Message To You Rudy"...or should that be "Rooney"?

The lyrics, "Stop your messing around, better think of your future, time you straightened right out, creating problems in town" seem very fitting while reading what Wayne Rooney has recently been branded. Fellow Manchester United striker (one of my new found favourites) 19 year old, Federico Macheda said that the Rooster is, "Working class and vulgar". A statement that I can't see going down well in the changing room.

What kind of low must the former United wonder boy be at that even his team mate doesn't seem to have a good thing to say about him. Thanks to him banging his balls any where but in the goal over recent years, urinating in the street, spitting and swearing Rooney has gone from working class hero to villain. As the World Cup to this day has proved his game is not what it once was. The only time I have witnessed some world class action from him is when I'm playing against United on Fifa!

I have always thought Rooney has as a vulgar, sleazy pervert essence about him that you can witness on the regular in the likes of Yates on a Saturday night. This image off course being made true by him sleeping with an OAP hooker for starters.and fantastically replicated by the Portuguese when they released a stamp of him mocking his foul play on pitch for once against their national team to promote the 2006 World Cup. The ginger balding hair, freckles and squashed facial features just don’t do it for me.

Now I don't like to judge people especially those I don’t know but the way in which he has treated his wife over the years I say he deserves every thing he gets. It seems he is still not all there and in all honesty I can't see him going back to the days of being one of the best players in the Premiership, let alone the world!

THE ORIGINAL CLASSIC

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

Oh dear Mr De Jong, after Sundays performance against Newcastle that saw City win 2-1 it would seem you have been taking tips from the, 'Vinnie Jones School of Hard-knocks' a little too far.

You see Vinnie would go for the cheeky ball grab here and there but no, De Jong doesn't bother with that kind of foreplay. Instead he opts to go in for a tackle (of a different sort off course) that left Hatem Ben Arfa with a double leg-break, ouch!


This is a perfect example of the kind of stunt I like to pull when playing Fifa. Just as my opponent is about to score a goal as a last resort I opt to use violence to prevent a goal from being scored. This however is something I wouldn't expect to see in Premiership standard footy.

Unfortunately enough for De Jong, thanks to his optimism at demonstrating excellent kicks that were, 'Fast as lighting' he has now been dropped from the Netherlands squad for upcoming matches against Moldova and Sweden.

HE WAS TRAINED WELL

Netherlands coach Bert Van Marwijk was said to have a problem with the way
Nigel "needlessly looks to push the limit" and who can blame him.

I bet he wished he saved those moves for the dance floor and not the football pitch.

In my opinion, "Those kicks were fast as lightning, in fact it was a little bit frightening BUT De Jong did it with expert timing".



Carl Douglas, The Original 'Kung Fu Fighter'